Dermadoc's Ode to Dermacare

While not exactly in the holiday spirit, Dermadoc's ditty about Dermacare is certainly funny.

iStock_snowflake1.jpg"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the franchise,
Not a creature was profitable because of the damn lies.
The booby traps were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes Saint Carl soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of foreclosure danced in their heads.
My bank in a tizzy,
And Carl full of crap,
Had just settled in for a lawsuit. Oh Snap!

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I dropped my wife's Botox to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows I flew like a flash,
Threw open the blinds and saw a huge A%$.

The moon on the breast of his newest Bimbo
Gave the lustre of hormones to the object, a 'ho.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an neophyte lawyer and 8 interns, in fear.

With a maniacal client, so lethargic and drunk,
I knew right then it was Carl, the skunk.
More rapid than eagles, his lawsuits they came,
And he whistled and shouted, and sued them by name!

"Now Denver, Now Jersy, Now Schulzes with Tatum,"
(On TV, On Radio, In print they will Hate 'im.)
"To the top of the docket, to the Court that's Supreme,
I'll sue everyone who doesn;t fall prey to my scheme!"

And then in a twinkling, I heard on my roof,
The repo guys taking my satellite dish 'Poof!'
As I drew in my head plans to rebuild my life,
Down the chimney Uncle Carl came with a knife.

He was dressed in the finest our money could buy,
But they were stained with more than a few drops of Rye.
A bundle of Lasers he had filling his sack.
"Buy these damn things so I can get my kickback!"

His telangectasias how they twinkled,
His comb-over how scary!
His breath was like fire,
His presence made us wary!
His droll little mouth was drawn in like a sneer,
For the intent of the visit was to instill us with fear.

The stump of a franchisee's leg in his teeth,
And the arm that went with it, dangling beneath.
He had a stone face and cirrhotic liver,
Not many of us would call him a 'giver'.

He was languid and dour, a right nasty old pr*&k,
I fumed when I saw him, and looked for a brick.
A twitch of his eye and a twist of his head,
Made me hope he was having a stroke in his head.

He spoke not a truth and went straight to his work,
Stole all my kids presents and laughed. What a jerk!
And showing one middle finger he said,'try and stop me!'
And giving a nod, piled another lawsuit atop me!

He sprang to my car, and to his team gave a holler,
"Don't stop suing until you get their last dollar!"
And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,
"I screwed you all and didn't even kiss you good night!"

I have no idea what inspired me to write this, but enjoy it every one!

Happy Christ-Hannu-Kwanza-madon!"

Via Dermadoc